shall I speak?

It’s my brothers birthday today and I am torn about whether or not I dare to utter a mere ‘Happy Birthday’. As harmless as those words may be I fear any word I try to articulate to him will not be welcome – including those humble words on this ‘special’ day.

I had worked myself up to it this morning, ready to swallow my ego and pride and extend an olive branch regardless of acceptance, though as I was preparing to leave we crossed paths in the hallway and the look sent my way left me cowering on the floor.

A look of pure hatred? Perhaps not but there was nothing friendly in that exchange and it’s left me pretty shaken. Do I dare speak and wish him well like in the past, throw a silly joke or two like he would playfully to taunt me on my own birth date? I don’t know. I feel terrible about not being able to exchange these words, let him know that I hadn’t forgotten and I do care.

Maybe I’ll be able to work myself back up to it again, we are siblings – my only sibling and all I can hear is you telling me “You are brother and sister, you should be friends”,  and I just wish you were still here with us to fix this for me.

Love,

xxx

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