This weekend was hardly eventful, the usual shopping date with mum however my dad also joined us as I was helping them with some last minute shopping for their upcoming vacation. But during this little escapade I noticed a dramatic change in my demeanor.
Walking around Target with them I felt ever so self conscious, though not in the usual ways. This time a whole new skeleton jumped right into the mix. Looking around I noticed all these ‘happy’ families and for the first time ever I recognized that these people are practically in my age bracket. This scene of a person pushing a pram along whilst their partner shops is nothing new; I’ve played witness to it my entire life yet it has only just occurred to me that these strangers are from my generation.
And here I was shopping with my parents – not friends but my parents. The past year I’ve been bombarded with engagements and wedding notices and I’ve feel like I’m setting myself up to missing out on yet another major life event. Like that train is boarding and yet again I’m struggling to find my illusive ticket, watching the hands tick away frantically on the clock.
Walking around Target seemed proof of that. I mean, is this how my life is going to play out. Am I going to be that single lady who lives and cares for her parents until they die? Not that there is anything wrong with that but I do know it’s not for me. I want more out of life; I want to grow old with my soul mate and raise three happy and healthy children and maybe even adopt one or two more.
Did you ever feel this way Maria? I know you lived the single life though only cared for grandfather after he relocated here for some ten years, but I wonder if you ever had those moments of embarrassment and yearning.