apologies

My dearest aunt apologies for remaining so distant. I haven’t felt much like talking since my parents arrived back from their vacation. I also haven’t had the luxury of being able to blog freely since their arrival nor have I had any semblance of articulation of late.

I just feel so blah.

Waking up that fateful morn was like trying to break free of cement shoes. Then trying to go about my day was as if someone had pushed me back into the hell of that cold murky water, unable to break free from my restraints and surface for air. I just could not believe I was right back at that place of rock bottom which made it extremely difficult biting back stinging tears throughout the day.

I had so looked forward to their departure knowing good things were in store for me and by not having that negativity in my life I felt I had every chance of succeeding somehow. Yet here I am, back to square one, continuing with this farce.

Like a bad game of snakes and ladders.

A part of me has been left lost because of this. Feeling like the success I craved that should have been attainable the last few weeks is now completely out of my grasp. It’s as if I have no chance of climbing that mountain since I couldn’t scale it during opportune circumstances. So how in the hell am I going to be able to do it now under this pressure and negativity?

But I can not focus on that because if I do then what’s the point in going on?

So I’ll continue somehow, seeking refuge in coffee hubs and libraries that offer free WiFi services so I can continue my work whilst I am meant to be ‘working’ a mundane 9-5 office gig. Another reason why I hadn’t opened up this blog. I don’t know why but I always feel like someone is peering at my doings in public places and was slightly too bashful to type away my feelings freely in such a space. But I promise to write to you more, make the time and express myself for if not i fear this dread will eat me whole.

Love,

xxx

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