crush

For the first time in months I reluctantly stepped foot in your home yesterday.

It wasn’t my choice to pass by. A phone call from mum needing assistance with something is what had me turning down your road rather than continuing on to theirs. Surprisingly I found myself trying to talk my way out of it, making frail excuses and all. This time last year I would have dropped everything to go over, most times never even needing an excuse. But now I’m just filled with dread and nausea because I know. I know deep, deep down nothing is right.

Driving up the driveway I see how green the lawn is and how green the leaves are. Yet nothing is flowering. The green a frivolous mask distracting one from the sadness that lays lurking behind its facade. Once proudly thriving roses are now mere stalks of green that sway silently in the breeze, dead to the world like a precious sleeping beauty.

The fruit trees are in bloom though hardly in abundance like its neighbor on the other side of the fence. Their yard is adorned in beautifully blinding arrays of pink; thick with new beginnings in the stirrings of spring. Yours pale in comparison, thin though beautiful from a normal distance, up close they are utterly lackluster. As if going through the motions, unable to rebel like their counterparts the roses do.

Inside was so much worse. Worse because it wasn’t expected. It’s not something you can see through the windows or seeping out of the open doors. It’s a hidden terror awaiting to pounce as you cross the threshold. It grabs you without warning and just sucks the life right out of you. It’s wrong and does not belong. Completely unwelcome, unbecoming and a total stranger.

It’s a smell.

A dank and vile smell. A new smell I’d never smelt before, something utterly foreign and definitely not pleasant; thick and suffocating to be exact.

Now i don’t understand how it’s come to be or why but it has completely crushed your scent. It’s that pungently overpowering that it has disintegrated the lingering stench of cheap paint fumes. A thick cloud of grey that has made it’s way into your home and kicked you to the curb, lost to us all. I couldn’t stay inside any longer than a few moments and I’m not sure if it were I who consciously stepped out or if I had been violently pushed aside by this strange presence.

I believe in the latter.

One thing is certain though. You’re gone. Completely gone; erased.

It’s a sad sight for any eye who truly knows what this place once was. The happiness and love it gave freely to all who passed through now long gone.

Happiness and love I desperately tried to preserve yet all efforts were in vein. And I wish, I just wish I knew how to stop this, reverse it and bring back its former glory. Keep your memory alive, keep you alive and thriving in its walls again but I’m lost. I just don’t know what more I can do; if anything can even be done now?

I lost the fight and I’m so sorry.

xxx

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