i stay at home

I stay at home alone, listen to music and think too much.

Sums up 99% of my weekends for the past year now and I suppose the idea for this post stemmed from time spent over-thinking on a Saturday night. Maybe this has come about with age or maybe it’s simply because I now only have a limited handful of individuals who I can call friends but regardless weekend activities have become virtually nonexistent.

Not that I’ve ever been much of a social butterfly. But I do enjoy nights out, in fact I have always really loved them. Whether they’re spent out in the night air or inside four walls with great company I always find myself having a great time.

I only wish things like these were not so limited to me. I’ve never been that person someone approaches when they want to go or do something, in fact most times I’m always the last to be included, unless I’ve been the one to suggest an outing.

So I find myself envious of my brother during times like these, watching him get ready for a night out and leaving the house for adventure whilst I remain rotting away with my thoughts as companions.

I wish I were able to go out with friends, even just for dinner and drinks or to crash at their place and watch movies and drink copious amounts of wine. But these days everyone seems to lead lives of their own; coupled up and enjoying each others company. And then again I don’t exactly have sufficient funds that would allow me to traipse through the city at night nor enjoy luxuries like dining out, even if it’s for a cheap Mexican meal or take-out burgers and fries. And I suppose for that reason alone they’ve forgotten me, perhaps tired of shouting me a drink or two so I’m not so left out.

Either way I’m so tired of this. Stuck at home with bickering parents reminding me how much of a loser I am and feeling like one regardless. I need to find a way out and now. And I know things will get better and the mere $25 I have remaining in my bank account will one day be overshadowed by thousands. I hope that day comes soon as I also think I feel my biological clock tick, tick, ticking away or maybe it’s the influx of engagement and baby status announcements on Facebook that have me slightly panicked.

Whatever the solution, I hope to find it soon.







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