In keeping with this weeks apparent theme, it seems that I have also awoken to a new can of worms. The mess of delving back into ones past, adrift in thoughts and memories of when I was twenty two years of age.
Lost in what could have been or should have been.
Yearning for a youth I could never quite grasp hold of, adventures and career choices that I neglected and had I been alert when inspiration dawned and ideas formed I may have been in a much more favorable position then I am in right now.
But the thing is in doing so, in subjecting myself to the various ‘coulda, woulda, shoulda’ scenarios, it’s foolishly making me absent to the possibilities of right now. I am wasting time away, looking back into the past and not seeing the potential of what is right now; in this very moment. Sure the now is somewhat bleak and very much undesirable but things could very well improve for me.
I’ve been diving into alluringly dark depths of my former self for far too long now. Those times have dispersed and lessons were learned so I need to begin making the most of this day, no matter how cold and murky the water may appear. And imagine if I reallocated all that time and energy that I unconsciously squander in dwelling on days long gone? I could move mountains, maybe.
I need to implement immediate change and the solution is just to start living in the present and enjoying life for what it is, no matter how barren it may be.
Seems simple enough.
Because time shows no hints of slowing herself down. And I am going to find myself one morning, realize I’ve hit that oh so dreaded three and zero figure and begin dwelling upon the lost days of my mid and late twenties.
Beating myself up on what ‘coulda, shoulda, woulda’ been.