I’d like just one day that does not require curling up into the fetal position. Were tears are replaced by those of joy and emotions run through the fields of joy rather than the murky swamps of depression. I want to report back to you about merry things, things like sunshine, rainbows and unicorns not verbal abuse and money woes.
I think I’ve reached a point of exhaustion with the happenings around me and have grown tired of writing about my never ending sadness and about how desperate things seem for me. I feel like I may be boring you with these tales of the blues and my reluctance of letting your house go to another. It seems that’s all I do, write about how shitty and miserable life is right now. I know good things lay in the horizon ahead, I just wish my legs would carry me fast enough to that stupid horizon. I sound impatient and I realize things take time, patience is a virtue and all, but I’ve waited too damn long for something wonderful, in fact I feel like I’ve waited my entire life for this now. I just need a little break from the ordinary, some rest to fully recharge my soul.
I need change.
I want to write about moving out of this hell hole and finally being out in the big wide world, alone. What it truly feels like to have the freedom to live simply of my own accord, pursue my dreams like a charging bull and not worry about others behind the scenes thwarting my plans. Well at least not in the next room anyway.
I want to buy and show you new sartorial pieces I’ve purchased, talk to you about it’s structure and fabric, how and where I’d don such a piece to. Just like we used to.
My nomad heart is just itching for an escapade across the seas and I desperatly want to share with you these many travel adventures. Talk about the people I meet along the way, the difference in cultures and way of living. The sites I’ll see and the perusing of monuments both Mother Nature and man-made, taking the lesser known roads to somewhere off the map, to a diamond in the rough. Share the many photos I’ll no doubt capture and what the journey taught me about myself.
I want to share my short stories with you. No longer feeling content to hide those vague synopsis’s away on the notes section of my phone but now yearning to paint the scene in it’s entirety and bring the still images in my brain to life through the written word.
For now there isn’t much I can do about my circumstances and less than adventurous or glamorous life. I suppose I could begin to share those short stories with you. There isn’t anything truly stopping me from doing so but we’ll see how I fair. This is my only real outlet in which I can truly release the pent up anger and frustration I feel each and every day so I suppose its why my accounts of woe usually take precedence. I think I do need to change things, shake them up at the very least to give me something to hold onto for now since a change of scenery is unfortunately out of the question.