new year, new me and stuff

It’s New Years Eve and with that there’s one thing that is on everyone’s mind right now; resolutions. We are so full of hope and ambition with the dawn of a brand spanking New Year not realizing that every single day also offers the opportunity to start anew. Yet we solely reserve these personal and what we tend to consider drastic life changes and dramatic ideas and goals for that one ‘magical’ moment at the end of December.

The end of December! After all those festive posts of good will and cheer fade in comes that sudden rush of narcissistic posting on how one will better themselves and more often than not begin going to the gym more frequently. Aside from those rants I’ve been enjoying the memes going round. Ones about gyms being packed on the first of January to utterly deserted on the following day. Those new me new bullshit Robert Downy Jr photos and good old Ned Stark bracing himself for resolutions.

They’ve been taking the stress away from this upcoming day.

I think as a whole 50% of us are excited for this New Year. Rose tinted glasses perched firmly on noses, seeing the wondrous new adventure and hope that is promised with the beginnings of a New Year. Yet I feel the other half fear and dread this event and all for our own separate and desperate reasons.

Me? Well I’m not at all thrilled about it, though far from dread it is actually more like fear. Fear of the unknown; fear of the promise of stagnancy.

I am terrified to think about 2014 even though I am at its doorstep right now. Already it will begin on a somewhat sour note. I’ll be celebrating alone at home with my puppy dog. In fact I’ll probably end up overeating on butter chicken and drowning my sorrows in a cheap bottle of Ricadonna and the spare bottle of Rekorderlig cider that’s been occupying space in the fridge since May. Though if I reach for my own pair of rose-tinted glasses I’d see the blessing of actually having the house to myself, in fact probably the entire street and my faithful and ever cheerful little baby as company. I’d see it as not at all horrible but I don’t want to put those damn glasses on again because I did that very thing at the start of 2013 when I found myself in a similar situation. And in here lies what I fear most.

History repeating.

I do not want to go through another torturous year of nothing, of being so completely aware of life and time around me and just how much I am frivolously allowing it to slip through my fingers. I can’t bear the thought of wasting anymore precious time, things MUST improve because I refuse to tread anymore water and surely Universe I could stand to catch a break or three.

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Image via Pinterest

2014 is an opportunity for change, a greater opportunity to rewrite the book of me into something magnificent, something I’ve been yearning and dreaming about since ever, a true work of brilliance. Perhaps finally breaking free of my shackles and this poisonous cycle. I know financially it is out of my control to an extent but its high time I pull up my sleeves and start digging for opportunities, doing anything I possibly can.

I also need to stop being so hard on myself, chastising myself on missed opportunities and others that slipped regrettably through my grasp. Keep up an attitude of gratitude and expect good things to come my way. Stay positive, always stay positive and just focus on what it is I want.

Kick fear to the curb.

It’s a new day, new year and hopefully more cheerier new me and I intend on writing an amazing story.

It won’t be easy so wish me luck Maria, for I am going to need it,

xxx

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