thump. thump. thump.

Oh god Maria, another damn dream in which I happened to suddenly drop dead. Different circumstances however that same menacingly piercing ringing noise invaded my ear lobes, booming louder with ferocity as the curtain was pulled down on my life force; identical to the racket from my first spate of dreams.

So these stupid dreams that depict the tale of our untimely deaths represent changes coming to be in our lives. Honestly I can not take anymore changes. And by that I mean of the negative variety. I will welcome positive changes but honestly my heart can not handle more heartbreak. So I pray no more sadness lays in the cards for me.

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I don’t know if it started off as a separate dream or if it simply morphed into a new one. But the way it mimicked real life was uncanny. It felt so absolute and so ordinary. It was a scene in which I play a part in every single day. I was seated on my chair at the table, watching The Simpsons as I always do before dinner is served. Cross legged wearing my pink Bonds sweat pants and a plain white t-shirt. Father is behind me talking as he usually does while mother is in the kitchen preparing dinner. I sit there, immersed as per usual until a ringing begins to drown out surroundings sounds. I immediately recognize the static buzzing from within from my past dream. I start to panic, knowing full well what is coming to pass. It begins getting darker. Frightened I get up, turning to see my father drawing the blinds closed. The ringing gets louder, much louder and I run to him, calling to him terrified because I know the end is here. The child from within desperately trying to reach him, believing he can help her; save her somehow from the Grim Reaper. As I collide into his arms calling out to him something on the side of my neck bursts, my heart perhaps and with that sickly popping sound the darkness swallows me whole.

The dream itself felt so real. Real enough to startle me awake and immediately reach for my chest, desperately seeking my pulse as proof that my existence on this earth still remained. But I could not find one. I began to searched my neck, feeling for that pulsating artery on both sides but again felt nothing. I turned to my wrists and even my chest yet again searching, searching for some faint signs of life knowing full well that my heart should be beating itself rampant over such a fright; as it always does. I sat up and felt around my neck again, thoughts that perhaps I had passed away in my sleep invading my being. I stared at my hands, fanning them out in the twilight. The way they moved and caressed the darkness, dancing with the shadows in the most waif like of fashions, I truly believed that perhaps I had died and lo and behold I was stuck back here in this damn home for eternity. Forced to roam this earth in an insipid suburbia I detest so.

Perfect.

Just perfect.

But as I reached yet again for my throat, exploring the sides that trusty thump, thump, thumps away beneath my shaking, sweaty fingertips. I am immensely relieved but now the true meaning behind such a ghastly dream plaques my mind.

What damn change is now in store for me?

xxx

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