never a bridesmaid

I was watching that movie 27 Dresses last night and you know what, I’ve got a damn bone I need to pick with Katherine Heigl’s character Jane Nichols and the creator slash writer of this film.

What is worse than always, always being a bridesmaid? Oh let me think? How about never being one at all. Like ever. I am also very single with no James Marsden to swoon over while he faithfully stalks and lurks around the corner, awaiting to interview me over this revelation.

And thus yet another conundrum is born.

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Image via Pinterest

I’m not exaggerating Maria. I’m not siting here daily looking for ways to sabotage my quest for happiness. At least I don’t believe I do intentionally. But this topic has been swirling around in the upper story of my head for a while now. I suppose since my second cousin announced her engagement a few months back it’s been a topic that’s been heightened and spotlighted by those inner demons set on creating turmoil and conflict.

A big part of me was hoping, desperately hoping she’d consider me as part of her wedding crew. Long before she even found her fiance let alone announced the engagement mind you. Yeah, I can be crazily premature dreamer like that. And even though a large body of water separates the two of us and it has been almost three long years since I last set foot on American soil I still had hoped that perhaps she’d extend to me an invite regardless. I know it’s not the most practical of ideas, considering my financial state but that’s what hope will do to you. It throws away all logic and sets faith in glittering gold pipe dreams.

But alas in the last few days or so there have been constant Facebook and Instagram updates regarding said topic and said individual. Photos of her and her friends with their cute “Got my guy, need my girls”, cards followed by a chapter of gleeful words and thanks for being chosen. Any idiot could see that the decision was made and her bridesmaid crew elected. It makes sense. My cousin has a lot of friends and I mean a lot. She’s virtually close with most of them at that so the decision would not have been made lightly. And me? Well our grandfathers were brothers and I happen to live half way across the world so…

By any means it does make my heart hurt. And I believed this would have been my last chance at ever really being a bridesmaid and being able to take part in such a joyous festivity.

And as you can see it does bring about the question as to if I’ll ever be called to do so. My ex high school friends all got hitched a while ago and since we all parted ways and technically I was no longer classified a friend, more an acquaintance or ‘somebody you used to know’ as such, and obviously seeing as I wasn’t even invited to their weddings to begin with, being a bridesmaid was completely and totally out of the question. Even Liz never asked me to be a part of her crew and I thought we were much better friends than that.

Maybe there’s hope with my oldest friend Stephanie, though she has copious amount of friendships, most, sadly closer than ours so who knows. And Kristy? Well I’m sure she’d resign the honorable positions to her long standing BFF and sisters. Makes sense, obviously. I don’t know what makes this seem so appealing to me. Maybe it’s a simple ‘you always want what you can not have’ or the fact that like most little girls, I’ve been dreaming about weddings since the day I took my very first gulp of air. I guess this is just another item to add to the list of regrets and luxuries I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of missing out on in this lifetime.

Yes, the perks of being a loner. I’ll sit there and smile, truly happy for the loved up couple while I shoot daggers of envy out of my eyes to the unsuspecting bridal party.

Take that Katherine Heigl.

Love,

xxx

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