music monday: you know what i mean

Life can be a funny thing sometimes but mostly it’s just a monotonous bastard, mocking and baiting you with its lessons, urging you to learn from your petty errors. He’s overly guarded and never gives those answers willingly, the ones that are pivotal to cardinal moments. I’d rather he just spoon feed me the desideratum rather than watch me miserably and incompetently forage for it because cycles are intensely arduous to break. They’re tenacious and inexorable charlatans and we are all creatures of habit who despise change; stuck fast to our crappy ways. I can’t seem to free myself from my own spiral. A nauseating roller-coaster ride of jubilation and plunges; but of mostly downward falls. I erect and elevate myself, strengthen the faith that I will soar to euphoria, yet the tiniest bump in the road completely derails me and send me plummeting back down to the muddy depths of that unyielding obscurity.

And it’s always the same protrusion hindering my advancement. Those same damn people so intent on bruising me, pushing me and moulding me to do things in their manner. The world is square not round according to them and yet I let their misinformed disposition restrain me. And for what? The off-chance they may finally show me some respect or encouragement? And dare I say love even? I’ve never had their allegiance nor support and probably never will and I do understand this, so I should just press forward because I know the Universe keeps propelling me back to that same salient. Time and time again, compelling me to finally champion against this fiend, but I just can’t seem to advance. And maybe it’s too energetic and I’m much too impuissant because of years of harrowing conditioning. But I dally and linger still, full of hope while wishing this time to be different and praying for a miracle, that maybe someone or something will swoop me across that finish line, if only for a moment, just so I can finally get a taste of slight victory and for the first time ever know some peace.

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4 thoughts on “music monday: you know what i mean

  1. I totally believe in you… I think you have to get to the point that you know an apology may never come…. ‘they’ probably will not apologize nor acknowledge that they mistreated you. I had to realize that ‘he’ may never apologize for hurting me either… We are the better people because we can forgive people and not lash out and be hurtful back 😉

    1. Thank you Launna. I realized a long time ago that I’d never get that apology I’m probably just unable to accept it for what it is. I just wish they would stop hurting me and leave me be, even if that means never talking to me since I’d rather they not say anything at all if they can’t play nice. But you’re right, we are better people because we can recognize and know never to treat a person in such a deplorable way.

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