I can not explain why the Universe did not select me yesterday. I did doubt I was onto a winner considering the prior weeks events had worn me down, but I had hoped because of this I may have been inline for a miracle. And yet I was cruelly overlooked for another. Why? These questionable ‘why’s’ are slaying me with internal anguish now. I can’t quite grasp why he seemingly abandons me during those moments I need him most. When I’ve yet again reached my lowest and most vulnerable, tearfully yearning for aid, there is none to be found. I feel like I’m singled out, cast aside as a disposable plaything whose sole function is to sate his malevolent side.
Mocking me during my time of weakness and darkness. Gathering in twos, enacting my demise in the most harrowing of fashions until they’ve had their fill in which they send forth a little ray of hope and so starts the ruthless cycle once again.
Leaving me to possibly chase the unattainable.
I am capable of holding fast to those dreams and able to attempt once more but I’m beginning to wonder if I want to. Do I honestly desire to continue down this path of starvation and brutal unknowns?
I understand my chosen trail is coarse and fraught with perils. And from the moment I took that leap of faith I accepted that this journey involved encounters with many an obstacle. But it has been a good few years now since my last spell of rest. I am also hungry having not chanced upon a spare crumb to quench those hunger pains of mine. I need a little sustenance to see me safely. A simple morsel to numb the twinge of discomfort that plagues. Universe I need you now more than ever, so please advise what you require of me. What do I need to do to garner a response from you? I desperately need you to hear my cries for help and assistance. To just send something good my way; something a little grander. Something vivid and shiny to distract me as I continue down this bleak and uncomfortable road to my freedom.