gives you hell

I started yesterday abounded with optimism. I had the house all to myself this weekend and was excited and in anticipation of genuine good vibes. It was one of those mornings were I knew I could conquer the world and that my armour was of impenetrable titanium. I was truly ecstatic, so when my world shifted and took a radically unruly new route the events that followed rocked me to my core and completely thrusted me off my axis. It was inexplicable, unprovoked and I don’t know why it happened.

My sidekick was attacked by another dog marking this the second time in the spate of a few short weeks.

Why Maria. Why us?

Why me?

We were walking along the pathway in a park, it was a quiet morning teaming with young kids playing with water pistols. We essentially had the trail to ourselves, as we mostly do everyday and went about our business, traipsing along the sandy terrain with the occasional halt for my sidekick to stop and sniff at the sides. We passed another tethered pooch, said quick hellos as both were eager to continue their outdoor adventures.

As we rounded the small hill towards the parking lot entrance I noted a young boy and a small dog laying atop the grassy patch high on the hill. They were innocently cloud watching and some distance from us so I didn’t give them much thought. As we neared the exit a low growl nearing my ankles startled me and I saw the small dog moving towards my sidekick at lighting speed. She tried to escape his snarling teeth but was trapped by the lead I held in my hands. I tried my hardest to scoop her up into the safety of my arms but she was too busy attempting to elude his enraged manner. What surprised me most was how she didn’t make a sound, she didn’t even attempt to fight the small creature who was more than half her size. I thought all was well when I finally shovelled her into my arms but I soon saw blood on my palm and immediately my insides churned.

Not again.

The poor boy finally caught up to us. He was as white as a ghost and explained how his little canine buddy broke free of his leash. He was no more than ten years of age and could only offer his apologies. I told him all was fine because what more could I do or say. I took pity on him, noticing my pain mirrored within his pale blue eyes. My sidekick appeared well enough, unlike the previous attack were silencing her cries of pain was near to impossible. And she genuinely seemed oblivious to the crimson staining a small patch on her dainty white fur at the tip of her tail.

I believed all was well, thanking the Universe as it could have been a disastrous situation. But it wasn’t until we entered my car and I wanted to take a better look that she started her growls whenever I neared my hand toward her tail. I became frightened and needed reassurance so I stupidly phoned my parents. Unfortunately my mother happened to answer. She wouldn’t pass the phone over to my father until I told her what was wrong, so I explained. Her response was a cold, “well if you worked like everyone else, this wouldn’t have happened”.

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Image via Pinterest

And from that moment every worst possible scenario played through my head and those dreadful feelings of powerlessness took hold. My reservoir of emotion broke its banks, seeping out into the atmosphere. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t do this anymore. I was done, just done. I drove back home in dangerous hysterics that refused to subside throughout the day. Even though my sidekick was bouncing about, overjoyed but confused over my state. Even as my mascara bleed down my cheeks and onto my arms, t-shirt and bare legs. And even as my head pounded with exsiccating pain, they refused to yield.

One thing that continues to baffle me is that I just can’t comprehend this. Why did it happen? And for what damn purpose?

Was this a test? Another frivolous yet malicious assessment to see if I’d succeed or drastically fail? I believe the Universe is kind and to think this was some test? To see if I really would remain positive in such dire constraints is unthinkable to me. I know he likes to send me the occasional trial when I’m contented or when I am on the verge of something great. But to think it would use my sidekick like this? And for the second time?

Really?

And to add further insult to injury in my mail this morning I’ve found the possibility of another credit card going to creditors. And despite being in agreement with this company they’ve felt the need to send me a notice of demand. Great, thank you again Universe, you know how to completely destroy me. Though, had I opened this yesterday I think it would have actually finally dismantled me.

xxx

 

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One thought on “gives you hell

  1. I hope your doggie is okay… I will message you later today to check in on you…

    Sometimes it feels like there is nothing good to look forward too… I am hoping your dog is okay… and that somehow you will be able to turn things around soon, we all need something to look forward to..

    Message me whenever you need to talk…

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