Here I am at the precipice of another painful New Year. Celebrating in desertion whilst pondering the loss of yet another uneventful and wasted year lapsed. A year that saw unfathomable decline in health, endless despair and that cursed perpetual stagnancy of life.
This time last year, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I’d still remain perplexingly idle. That come New Years Eve I’d be seated on that dilapidated brown couch wearing sweat pants; my new best friends. Solo, yet still residing in my parents home. Worse still was finding myself cowering and attempting to remain as quiet as a mouse in hopes of avoiding drawing attention from the party revellers next door. Neighbours who were loudly celebrating with cheer, music and no doubt hard liquor.
You know, what normal people do.
What I wished I was doing.
And to be fair I actually didn’t mind quite so much that I was alone. I had imagined I may face such circumstances back towards the middle of 2014. Of course that dream also held visions of grandeur but most importantly that I had just moved into my first real home. Ringing in the New Year with my sidekick in our own home would have not only been ideal but a blessing. And a miracle of course.
Man it was a sight to behold.
And I sight I held onto all night.
In that dream I would have purchased some obnoxious “2015” balloons in shiny gold, leaving them be in my dining room, sashaying about and dancing to the beat of imaginary drums. I would have stocked up the liquor cabinet and pulled out my finest crystal, ready to entertain myself. I wouldn’t have dressed up nor dolled myself up for the night, opting to wear some denim shorts and a loose white tee instead of a glittery dress. I may have added some fine gold bracelets and a dainty emerald ring for fun, then a pair of black Jimmy Choos because, why not. I would have laid out an incredible feast of cheeses, dips and olives then indulged in a three course meal I would have slaved all day on. Singing and dancing in my living room, annoying my sidekick with my poor vocal abilities while getting drunk on cider, poorly attempted homemade cocktails (probably best not to concoct while tipsy) and of course a brilliant bottle of Veuve.
It just wasn’t meant to be, right Universe?
But when will it be?