halcyon days

I reached for my beloved Louis Vuitton yesterday, somewhat eager to pack my belongings. It would have been a most comical scene to an onlooker. You see it was stored dangerously out of my reach in the attic and my daring attempts to coo it down with a broomstick proved to be more arduous than anticipated. As it (finally) fell into my arms I felt an overwhelming wave of nostalgia wash over me.

Old faithful.

This weekender and I, the places we’d seen and oh the adventures still awaiting us. I realised it had been well over six years since we last travelled together, which was to Paris of all places. I felt so heartbroken at that thought. All those plans I’d made and the ingenious ideas formed by that bright eyed girl whose heart was teaming with anticipation of great things ahead. A nineteen year old who was meticulously planning her brave move to Europe, hoping to undertake an internship with a cousin she’d never met before, a cousin who worked in her dream profession of interior design.

image via ultralinx

Oh the places I’d have seen and visited. The people I’d have met and had the pleasure of working with. And of course the dapper men I’d fall in love with. T’was to be a life lived to its fullest, a life of freedom and excitement, of passion and dreams becoming reality.

It’s sad to recall that young lady considering my life mirrors none of that today. So full of hope, real tangible hope with dreams and ambitions so easily within her reach.

But I still smile when I think back to her. That girl I visualised, dressed to the nines in glamorous Bvlgari sunglasses that covered half of her face. Her hair was always perfectly waved and an opulent blue Balenciaga swung promiscuously on her arm. That girl crossing a busy intersection, running perilously late to her next meeting with a well-known client, in a city dripping with gothic lavishness and charm and architecture from a time long passed. A landscape so dramatically different to that sunburnt land I grew up in.

That dream seems like ancient history today. But I remember it like it was only yesterday. And though my goals and dreams may have changed slightly I can’t help but yearn to be nineteen again. To go back in time and fulfil that dream. To go back and silence those critics who forced me to live a life they deemed worthy for myself. To go back and rid myself of those nay-sayers. I want to go back to being that girl so full of ambition and drive, where life was good and grand and anything and everything seemed effortlessly possible.




One thought on “halcyon days

  1. I know what you mean… I often wish I could go back to my 15 year old self who had all of her dreams in front of her… I was so shy then, I passed them by … how I wish I hadn’t… I am hoping that there is still time but not for all of them… not for the most important one…

    One of my favorite movies is ‘The Way We Were’… Katie tells Hubble wouldn’t it be lovely if we were old and had survived all this and everything would be easy and uncomplicated… Hubble tells her it was never uncomplicated… He’s right, our memories make the past seem different than it was…

    Still though, I wish I had a way to go back to that shy 15 year old and tell her to step out of shell and go after all that she wanted…

    I hope you get to travel again soon… heck, I want you to travel here so I can meet you xox

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