la fête des mères

Mother’s Day. A Sunday morning seated with my laptop cracked open, its light faintly illuminating the bantam corner of the kitchen while I tackle a delectable slice of chocolate layer cake. I should be searching for chocolate chunk cookie recipes but I’m too distracted reminiscing about this same time last year.

It feels like yesterday. Waking up early, soundlessly dressing myself while I wait for my parents to leave for church. Once I hear that door slam shut I creep out of my room and make for the stairwell. I pause for a moment before taking those steps down. I feel a sadness in my heart because the coming of Mothers Day marks another year older and another spent living in their home. But I perk myself up, reminding myself that this time next year would be different. That in 2015 would be better and for that Mother’s Day I’d be leaping into my Jeep with my sleepy sidekick by my side and make my way to their home where I’d surprise her with a gourmet high tea breakfast.

But here we are.

image via pinterest

I am nowhere near close to attaining a Jeep nor am I any closer to living on my own. At the start of March I had high hopes of miraculously obtaining an abundance of money. That for Mothers Day I’d be able to lavish my mother with an opulent Dolce and Gabanna handbag that had all the pockets she could dream of. And on the inside of one of those pockets she’d find two tickets to the USA that would really amaze.

But I ended up embarking on a master task of baking because I had no money to purchase a decent cake. Nor did I have enough to buy her flowers. I did manage to scrape just enough (with the help of my father) to purchase that cardigan she’d been eying a few weeks back. It went down a treat but I can’t help but feel like it was lacking.

I know times are actually changing for me. Financial freedom being well within reach now, I still can’t help but morn all that could and should have been these last few weeks. Like my cousins wedding for example. An event I missed and one that will forever haunt me; another regret to carry through life. I do feel a conscious lightness within me now. I just hope that things truly will begin to improve and that 2016 will not see another dismal repeat.

xxx