The world feels so cruel these days and I wonder my place in it; if I have one at all. The more I contemplate and dwell on such subjects the more adamant my mind becomes in the notion that I simply wasn’t built for this day and age.
That I came into existence far too belated.
Because in this world of social media influence and an idealised concept of perfection I never truly stood a chance. Constantly lamenting over numbers and my own scripted perception; as if my creative content and follower count solely defines me.
And in an outlandish way it sadly does.
Especially as a single women; no partner and no child.
Then surely one has a thriving career to occupy ones time? You know, to explain such “life choices”. Because being both an unattached and unsuccessful female in this world is simply unheard of.
It’s either one or the other.
Comparison is the thief of joy and yet it is all I know.
It is a deep seeded curse, one I’m unsure how to vanquish since it has been my malevolent companion since birth. It was instilled, continuously watered and nurtured thus growing such impenetrable roots deep within my soul.
I may be truly alone in this world but I do still have dreams, despite feeling as though I pursue them through a revolving door.
What was Einstein quoted on insanity again?
Truthfully, I don’t know where I am going or who I even am anymore. And I fear I may never be afforded the luxury of peace to do so. My world crumbled years ago and I’ve spent all this time painfully sifting through the rubble, feebly attempting to piece and salvage the unsalvageable.