Ever since that adventitious encounter weeks ago, I can’t seem to remove the lingering cerebration of him. Like an enchantment of sorts, he floods my senses; invading thoughts both during the day and late at night.
Is it pleasant? Not really. At times his essence is comforting, a phantasmal companion of sorts. But lately his idle presence becomes more and more cautionary, adding to my anxiety.
What if our paths crossed yet again? How could I allow him to view me as I am today? To let him into this maelstrom of a life?
One I am so irrevocably ashamed of.
Is it even possible to evade someone a second time round? More importantly why do I feel this way? Way do I feel such apprehension and a desideratum to disperse wordlessly into the atmosphere at the thought of a possible encounter? Despite understanding that deep down my heart is yearning, perpetually longing, not specifically for him, but for someone.
Why, after nearly a decade of lapsed time did fate bring us together? And only for a sliver of a moment.
A moment I regretfully frivoled away.
Could the Universe have played such a sadistic and vile joke? Knowing that I’d repeat such imperative oversights. Loudly displaying what could have been, if I’d allowed it to be so many moons ago.
Serving me someone so unbelievably unattainable, only to perpetually threaten me with such imperviousness.