dead on arrival

I wish I could be the kind person who was genuinely elated for the good news of others.

The kind who truly felt delighted and profoundly jubilant over their milestone accomplishments. That I could simply comprehend and revel in such joyous occasions as opposed to the usual display of faux contentment; the farce that simply masks my actual contempt.

I wish I could be the kind of person who was simply supportive in those times of exultation. Who felt actual merriment over their triumphs. I wish I could just see the positive sin such situations and the possibilities and potential for myself too.

I wish I wasn’t quite so selfish and self-absorbed in my own melancholia; such a slave to my anxieties and panic.

Most of all I wish I wasn’t the kind of person who dreads such announcements for their victories simply remind me of life’s inadequacies. That such accomplishments didn’t act like a torturous noose; suffocating and savage, perpetually reminding.

An obnoxious emphasis of all that lacks and will always lack.


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2 thoughts on “dead on arrival

  1. I don’t think you don’t want to see other people happy S… You are always such a sweet and thoughtful person for me and you are happy to see when something goes well for me. I know it’s difficult to see things going well for people close in your circle when it seems like nothing is going right for you… You know I am in your corner… I am hoping the best for you xox

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