I did the unthinkable yesterday.
I mentioned to a mother of two that I was enervated. Simply opened up about how exhausted I’d been of late. How the need for an afternoon siesta was becoming increasingly burdensome and how I struggled to find balance juggling different roles.
Of course what was I thinking? Speaking such truths to someone like herself.
Because how could someone like myself experience such feelings of fatigue?
Do I have a husband?
Do I have children?
Do I even have a household to maintain?
That was her silent insinuation; eyes laced with scorn and judgement.
And while she may not have delivered such harsh words they were certainly implied through her contemptuous stance.
How could I have been so impudent for even uttering such nonsense?
Then perhaps I should have elaborated on my level of weariness?
Exactly how emotionally spent I’ve been. Not a small stint but one that has become frustratingly perpetual. How the last five years have been extraordinarily taxing; both introspectively and physically.
How financial and social pressures keep me up at night.
Of course there’s also that mere medical complication surrounding my thyroid which sees me with tangibly legitimate issues with fatigue.
I am so sick and tired of being shamed for being a single women. As if it’s catching and an utter nuisance to society for me to be this way. It is bad enough being made to feel stupidly inadequate for not having a partner and for living at home with my parents.
Let’s not mention the intolerable judgment placed for not baring children.
Why is it that only one group of people feel that they are solely entitled to express such botheration while those of us not in similar circumstances or categories are simply made redundant? Unbelievably those very same circumstances I know resonate with many. Perhaps not to the the same degree but we all face similar conundrums in our lives. I’m not saying being a parent isn’t tiring, you bet your ass it’s demanding but that does not make for and end-all either.
What happened to empathy? And why must we shame another? An epidemic of delusions; constantly in competition with one another. Those proverbial measuring of members running rife at any given opportunity.
Everyone is doing it tough out there. So why do we feel the need to proclaim we have it worse than another?
As if in contest for some ridiculous, invisible citation?