durban skies

He’ll drive me to an obscure spot one night, cryptic and secluded. Desperate to reveal his “secret” place, a barren parking lot fornenst the roaring sea. He’ll take my hand and  navigate a narrow passageway pitifully consumed by verdancy, then skilfully tread along velvety sand where minuscule, adamantine granules dexterously slip between toes.

He’ll pause for a moment and survey the skies above and I’ll watch in awe as he inhales saltine breaths of satisfaction. He’ll lay down a mandala towel then motion for me to join. Without a moment to spare I’ll eagerly follow his lead and gracefully entwine my limbs with his.

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all the single ladies

I did the unthinkable yesterday.

I mentioned to a mother of two that I was enervated. Simply opened up about how exhausted I’d been of late. How the need for an afternoon siesta was becoming increasingly burdensome and how I struggled to find balance juggling different roles.

Of course what was I thinking? Speaking such truths to someone like herself.

Because how could someone like myself experience such feelings of fatigue?

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I don’t understand why it’s seemingly impossible to have a joyous birthday?

As if in humbly asking I’ve sealed an unfortunate fate; an impasse.

And just when I thought nothing could surpass the grand disappointment and despondency that came with my last birthday “celebration”, in chimes the Universe with such a beaut. I truly believed I could not feel such despair, but alas the Universe has gone out of its way to prove such inklings are indeed false on my part.

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butterflies and hurricanes

Ever since that adventitious encounter weeks ago, I can’t seem to remove the lingering cerebration of him. Like an enchantment of sorts, he floods my senses; invading thoughts both during the day and late at night.

Is it pleasant? Not really. At times his essence is comforting, a phantasmal companion of sorts. But lately his idle presence becomes more and more cautionary, adding to my anxiety.

What if our paths crossed yet again? How could I allow him to view me as I am today? To let him into this maelstrom of a life?

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